• carolccmiller

The Pain In Healing

The Pain in Healing

The healing process is often a painful journey. First, it requires us to realize the need for healing. Hurt often comes covered up and hidden in a veil of judgment and anger. So, we focus on our anger and judgment and stay on the surface of what is taking place. We often cover it up with a band-aid telling ourselves that we are protecting the wound from further injury. That is true, and yet, do we put a band-aid on it so we can no longer see the wound and attempt to forget it exists?

The world is filled with chaos right now showing up in a variety of violent and destructive ways. It is so very easy to step straight into judgment and anger on those perpetrating these grievances. How can we not be horrified of the wars going on in the world? How can we not be saddened when seeing concert-goers shot down in masses? How can we not be worried about the injustice that occurs to our POC, LGBTQ and others that deal with systemic racism? How can we not be furious with misogyny when we are either birthed from a woman or female? How can we not be devastated in regards to those who seemingly have no compassion for our planet and the animals that live on it?

As a positivity coach – and someone who diligently focuses on LOVE, kindness, and compassion – I get it. My heart aches when these issues are brought to light. However, for me, rather than blaming the blamer, or shaming the shamer, I feel my sadness, anger, frustration and then ask myself, ‘what do I want?’. I want more LOVE, kindness, and compassion in the world, and because I focus on that, I do SEE that in the world too. And, I see that even in these tragic experiences occurring around the world, people are banding together and becoming helpers rather than hurters. There is light at the end of the tunnel, even when at times it appears to be a faint glimmer.

It’s as if a big band-aid has been ripped off our world’s wounds, forcing us to look at what is happening. It can be so scary to look at, that we look away and ignore it exists. It can be so ugly that we can’t admit it is happening and we want to put that band-aid back on to return it to its hidden truth. The truth is fear shows up in many ways. From deep despair that causes people to kill others, to smaller flesh wounds that slowly damage the soul on personal unworthiness. A baby isn’t brought into this world with an agenda to harm others as they grow. That was learned from personally experiencing their own unhealed wounds through the years. Some people’s wounds are healed, and they become the healers and helpers of the world. Others whose wounds are unattended to, become deeply infected and they become the hurters on a varying degree from being very negative about life in general to physically inflicting pain on themselves and others.

It is time for us to start tending to our personal wounds as well as our worldly ones. The band-aid is being ripped off and it’s time to heal rather than simply cover it up with ointment and a kiss. Depending on the degree of the wound, it could heal up immediately, or it could take years, but it will begin to heal the moment we seek healing rather than condemnation.

Moving forward, I invite you to heal by:

Being gentle with yourself and others. There are consequences to actions whether they are negative or positive. However, rather than jumping to conclusions and heading straight into negative judgment, sit with it for a moment, feel what you need to feel, and move forward with a better feeling thought. That thought doesn’t have to be giddy joy, yet I encourage you for it to be slightly better than the thought that needs healing.

Choosing to move forward with LOVE as your guide. LOVE can say “no”, and says “no” with kindness and compassion. LOVE doesn’t mean you are complicit with the experience that requires healing, it just means you will face it head on in a loving manner. LOVE understands there are consequences to loving actions and fearful actions.

Being a voice for those unheard. You can take a stand for those being treated unjustly. Just take that stand from a place of peace rather than hostility. If you want more peace, LOVE, kindness and compassion in the world, be more peaceful, LOVING, kind and compassionate in your world. Let us not wait for others to be the change, let us each, one-by-one, arm-in-arm BE that for which we seek.

Visualize the healing has happened. When we are in the beginning or middle of healing, we often pull the band-aid back too soon and we open the wound again. It’s challenging to see the healing complete when it’s occurring at so many different levels from personal to global. When fear starts to grab you in its enticing clutches, take a deep breath and begin to see what is bothering you completely healed. See the wound slowly, cell-by-cell, dissolving and returning to wholeness.

Mostly, my wish for you as you move forward is to see how powerful you are. You can feed fear with your thoughts, words and actions, or you can step into the truth of who you are – the truth of LOVE. You can become the helper. You can become the healer. You can BE that which you seek the world to be.

Until next time, I see your wounds, I honor your wounds, and I am here to help heal them.


In each moment, I choose to see through a lens of LOVE, kindness, and compassion.

Words To LOVE By:

“The greatest healing therapy is friendship and LOVE.” ~ Hubert H. Humphrey

“The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.” ~ Marianne Williamson

“As soon as healing takes place, go out and heal someone else.” ~ Maya Angelou

Sounds For Your Soul:

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