Making it work...
Have you ever tried to put a square peg in a round hole? You try and try to make it work but in the end, it simply doesn't? You try and make a job work. You try and make a living situation work. You try to make a relationship work - square peg, round hole. It doesn't mean the square is wrong or the hole, it just means they don't quite fit together.
Now, that doesn't mean you shouldn't try and work on your relationships, as all relationships require work, but it means to stop trying to force people or situations to fit into what you want them to be.
Much of my coaching client work is on creating healthier mindsets (and heart sets). We work on their beliefs, attitudes, and self worth on knowing they deserve the dreams they are moving toward. We often talk about their relationships whether they be personal or professional and how to navigate the challenges that come up. The first thing I ask them is to share with me three to five things that they appreciate about the person as that immediately puts them in a more receptive energy for change. Then I encourage all of my clients to know what their ideal life looks like... not their perfect life, but ideal. What are the traits of their ideal boss, colleague, business partner. What are the ideal traits of their friends and what are the ideal traits of their romantic partner. What does their ideal job look like...ideal health...ideal home. Whenever they are facing a challenge in any category, we go back to what's ideal and work from there.
Many years ago I chose to focus on my ideal relationships being with heart-centered people. Again, they aren't perfect people as I certainly am not, but they are people who most often operate from their heart and not their hurt. When I made that declaration, many of my relationships changed. I moved on from both personal and professional relationships that were far from ideal, deepened some others, and allowed new relationships to develop. Some of them were hard to let go of as I WANTED them to be ideal. I feel like I need to say it again, it's not that those now gone are bad people, it's just we weren't a good fit. I LOVE all and spend my time, energy, and heart with those that are a good fit rather than trying to make them a good fit.
Moving forward, I encourage you to make your relationships work by:
Letting people be who they are rather than who you want them to be or 'think' they can be. You get to decide the role they have in your life whether it's frequent, infrequent, an inner circle person, or somewhere in between. Trying to make someone into who you want them to be is exhausting and lessens your chance of seeing the people who do fit.
Knowing what your ideal _______ (fill in the blank) looks and feels like. It's YOUR ideal, not someone else's. You get to choose what that is for you while they get to choose what it is for them. Once you know what your ideal is, that will help you determine the frequency of the time you spend with them...and/or having any relationship with them at all. Those that are no longer a part of my life, I can still send them LOVE without participating in their lives.
Knowing when you stop trying to force the relationship to work and either let it go or let it be what it is, you open up the space for the ideal person to come in.
Mostly, my wish for you is to know you have the ability to create healthy, LOVING, and fun relationships and knowing you deserve it. You deserve to work with and for people that appreciate you. You deserve to have kind and meaningful family and friendships. You deserve to have a romantic partner that adores and admires you.
Until next time, work less - appreciate often - LOVE more.
All my relationships are healthy, balanced and fun.
Words to LOVE by:
"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"If civilization is to survive, we must cultivate the science of human relationships - the ability of all peoples, of all kinds, to live together, in the same world at peace." - Franklin Roosevelt
"Why are trying so hard to fit in, when you're born to stand out?" - Oliver James